On top of being an alcoholic, I am a female. I am also human. I like to be touched. I especially like massages.
I’m not sure if I just have horrible luck or perhaps am more in tune to noticing when strange things occur. (I can be quite observant!) Regardless, I have way more stories about massages than, I would guess, most people. Why,...
Posted by: leigh
September 26, 2010 |
Yes, these people truly exist and are not fictional characters in a sci-fi novel or something.
By now you’ve probably figured out that I like to eat.
Especially anything that involves cheese.
Fast forward to another date with a guy who was actually quite normal. We had a lot of similar interests and he was very much...
I turned the big 3-0 last year. I’m one of those obnoxious people who likes to celebrate her birthday. Honestly, it’s not all about me, me, me. I just like having an excuse to celebrate something. Whether it’s my birthday, your birthday, Jesus’ birthday – I want to drink and dance and take part in some sort of revelry!
I decided to do a joint celebration with a friend whose birthday is a few weeks before mine. We chose a nearby bar in Wrigleyville and rented out the top floor for an “all you can drink” three-hour party. Unfortunately, there was a crazy snowstorm that night,...
Based on my stories to date, you might not believe me when I tell you that I was a pretty good student. School always came easy for me, to be honest. I went to class, did the required reading and managed to not log many hours studying at the library. I was lucky, as this afforded me way more time to black out and take up chain smoking.
I even managed to graduate from the University of Illinois with the highest honors possible. I was a Bronze Tablet recipient, meaning my name (along with the names of 199 others) will forever be on a tablet on the library’s wall. You will see after this story...
I recently met a charming Irish fellow at 4 a.m. at Carol’s. Taking a bit of my own advice, I actually did opt to have a phone conversation and confirmed he had a brogue and that my drunken ears had not betrayed me. He was rather sweet and funny and, for once, I found myself looking forward to our date.
We had a great time! He was a gentleman...
I’ve been to Vegas on a multitude of occasions, but actually haven’t been back in many years, as I’m honestly still recovering from the last few trips. I’m the type of person who never wants to go home if there is fun to be had. Las Vegas is a deadly place because day or night, rain or shine, someplace is always open and serving booze.
Several years ago my good friend and I wanted to do a weekend getaway and decided on Vegas. She had never been and was recently single and itching for some trouble. (Itching in the non-pubic lice fashion.)
I was 16 years old and officially driving the summer before my junior year of high school. My best friend’s birthday is in July. For every birthday her parents bought her a Sara Lee cake. I’m not sure if you’ve ever had this cake, but it’s seriously one of the more delectable things I’ve ever put in my mouth. I’m not sure what they put in that frosting, but I’m guessing ecstasy is a main ingredient because it just makes you feel full of love!
So my friend called me up and announced, “The cake has arrived!” I didn’t even bother to answer as I hung up the phone and announced...
Disclaimer: Not ALL of my stories will be about actual dates. Thankfully, not all of my dates are horrible. If that were the case, I think I would have to listen to God’s signals and jump on the lesbian train while it’s still “cool.” As that would require me to buy some oversized plaid shirts and cut my long, luscious locks off, I’d prefer to hold off on that option while I can.
Moving on! I’m out at a local drinking establishment with some friends pretending to watch a UFC fight when a man came up to me and pointed at his baby-faced friend. The Pimp tells me it’s his friend’s...
It was last Labor Day weekend, and I had a friend in town visiting. She was at a BBQ during the day in the suburbs, so I decided to take the opportunity to go to a bar with some other friends and start drinking martinis at 4 p.m.
I’m sure you already can recognize that this did not end well.
By the time my friend came back into the city...