My ability to take things two steps further than they should go started at a rather young age. Whether it’s my strangely perverse creativity, my need to surprise people or just for my own damn amusement, my sick and twisted mindset has definitely been cultivated over time.
During my final year of college I decided to accompany my new roommate to a party she was attending. We had hung out a bit the previous year, but at this point we were still getting to know one another. For sure she got to know what she was in store for real quick!
So we’re at the party checking out the other guests when my roommate whispered in my ear to be cautious around one of the party members, as apparently he was really annoying and would likely hit on me. Sure enough, after several trips to the keg, Mr. Annoyance made a beeline for my drunk ass and started chatting me up. I could have excused myself and gone to the bathroom, gone to talk to anyone else at the party or even pretended I needed a new drink.
But no, not me.
There was a definite pause in the conversation as he took in my question. “What?” he hesitantly asked. He was obviously hoping he had heard me wrong.
“I’m Greek,” I explained, “and I wanna know if you’ve ever fucked a goat.” Now, if he had any sense of humor he likely would have gone with it and explained in detail his past goat fucking experiences. Those tight furry asses are INSANE! He might then have had a fighting chance to redeem my already tainted impression of him. But instead, with a look of disgust, he said, “I don’t know you well enough to be discussing beastiality.”
Hmmm….exactly how well DO you have to know someone to feel comfortable discussing having sex with animals? Do you think it’s just coincidence that I carry peanut butter around with me wherever I go??? Get a sense of humor, dude.
As the night progressed and slowly slipped from my memory, my roommate informed me that every so often (as in every 10 minutes) I would give a great big baaaaahhh or a bleeeep and then point at Mr. Annoyance and laugh.
Suffice it to say, Mr. Annoyance stayed far, far away from me for the rest of the night.
Moral of the Story:
If you are a dude chatting up a cute girl and she asks you about having intercourse with an animal, you have one of two options:
• Hope she’s kidding and realize that, although strange, she’s also the funniest, most exciting, charming, awesome woman you have ever met and promptly fall in love with her.
• Go with it and find out she’s not kidding and likely have some of the kinkiest sex ever.
Either way, it’s a win-win.
However, if you look at this person in disgust, well then you can look forward to a head butt from yours truly. And no, that is not code for something kinky. I’d rather audition finger puppets then spend a night with you!