One of my good friends recently planned her bachelorette party in St. Louis. It happened to correspond with Mardi Gras, so I was very excited to showcase my talent for binge drinking and motorboating. We were out partaking in said events when an attractive young lad started flirting with me. Although my conscience screamed to me that he looked a bit young, I figured it was nothing a few more Hurricanes and muscle relaxers couldn’t shut up. Things unfortunately take a turn for the worse when he asked me: “Soooo, are you someone here’s Mom?”
I quickly did the math in my head as I looked around at the twenty-something, beer-drinking and booty-shaking people around me. He thought I could be the mother of someone old enough to be at a bar??? “No!” I vehemently shouted while I pulled up my elastic-waist polyester pants and waved my cane at him. He then slowly smiled, hungrily gave me a once over, and busted out: “Oh, I get it … you’re like the hot aunt.”
This putz has clearly been watching way too much porn.
The only way to teach this fellow a lesson, I quickly surmised, was to make out with his 20-year-old friend who did not audibly live out his MILF fantasies.
Dating Rule #3:
No matter how old a girl appears, do not assume she is someone’s mother. No woman wants to feel old enough to have birthed you. Tell her she looks like she just got out of college. Feed her drinks. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.