Running is something I’ve been doing since high school. I was never on the track or cross country teams, but I have been running several times a week since I was a teen. My Dad and I used to go running every Sunday morning together.
At least until I discovered alcohol.
Since my great discovery (call me Chris Columbus), I’ve had a hangover every Sunday pretty much since 1995.
Wow, I’m old.
And possibly an alcoholic.
I’m the type of person who always has to have something going on, some target/goal. Whether I’m planning a trip, taking a class or trying some new form of exercise, there needs to be some sort of “something on the horizon.” What can I say, I get bored easily.
Side note: I’m also easily entertained. Grow a mustache, play some spoons and shake your ass and I’m there!
Having never run a race before in my life, I decided to sign up for the May 2007 Vancouver marathon through Team in Training. Go big or go home! Anyone looking to run a long-distance race, especially for the first time, this is a great organization to be involved with. I also thought it would be a great opportunity to visit somewhere I’ve never been. If I have to run 26.2 miles, it damn well better be picturesque!
Part of the process required raising money for the organization. Frankly, that part was what really overwhelmed me. I decided my best bet was to throw a party and during that party sell raffle tickets. I diligently set out to get prizes from restaurants, spas, sporting arenas, etc.
For whatever reason, most likely cause he’s hot, I was sporting a pretty big crush at the time on local newscaster Rob Elgas. So I brilliantly decided to contact him and request some sort of “donation.” I was hoping for sperm, but would have been happy with a signed picture.
Well ‘lo and behold, he responded! And even better, was willing to offer a free tour of the NBC studio. We continued to email back and forth, mostly about the logistics, but with what I felt had increasing flirtations underlying his words. I mean, “How are you doing today?” could easily be construed as “I want you so bad. You are so hot. Do me. Now. ”
I managed to raise $800 at the party, which was a big help to reaching my goal of $5200!
I’m not sure what got into me, I really don’t! What did I do after the event? I emailed him and thanked him for the donation and informed him of how much money I had raised.
I then told him that to thank him for his generosity I’d like to buy him an adult beverage and would he care to meet me for a drink sometime?
I seriously asked out a TV broadcaster.
Who doesn’t have a clue what I look like.
And in 2005 was picked by Marie Claire magazine as one of the “50 men you want to marry.”
As you might already have guessed, of course we went out for drinks and I decided to take him as my lover. We had hot, passionate sex all over the city of Chicago.
Or perhaps maybe he just never responded.
You don’t know until you ask, right? I have no shame!!!
If you are a rotund, midget alcoholic with a flair for lifting up your skirt, do NOT ask out a local news personality who is attractive, polished and was recently voted one of Chicago’s most eligible bachelors.
Seriously, it’s not that complicated.
I once told an attractive fellow who was sweet on me that “if I were a dude I’d have a huge dick.” Although I don’t have a dick, I guess I assumed my dick would be as equally large as the ginormous balls I apparently am sporting.
Who do I think I am?
And why do I tell attractive men interested in me that my dick is bigger than theirs? Sigh.
Why am I still single again????