I went through a brief stint of shoplifting in high school. We’ve all been there, right?
Well, I apparently was trying to decide which type of felon I would like to be. A thief was, thankfully, not in the cards.
I did steal two rings from one of those mall kiosks over the course of a month during my junior year in high school. My heart was pounding, I was sweating, adrenaline was pumping! I ended up losing both of these rings soon after I “borrowed” them. I felt a lot of guilt about my theft and figured it was God’s way of letting me know this behavior will not be tolerated.
Having had one too many multiple-night stands with that herpes-infested slut Carol, it was time to find a new late-night haunt. Although it is ONLY open until 3 a.m. on Saturdays, Richard’s in West Town is a pretty good mistress … I mean replacement.
Sidenote: The last time I was there, Rocky the bartender let us stay after the bar closed and smoke AT THE BAR. Old-school green ashtrays and all! Although I don’t smoke much anymore, it felt really good to be smoking inside a drinking establishment. Especially in the dead of winter.
Cough, cough. Really good. Cough. Who’s cool now?
Back in the good ole days, most of my gal pals were single. I like to reflect often on what I now call “The Glory Days.” If I had only known that these days would be fleeting, I might have taken advantage of them more.
The majority of my friends now are married or in long-term relationships. My nickname, “Fifth Wheel,” wasn’t by accident, people!
I did the complete opposite of what most people do. I spent most of my teens and twenties in committed relationships. When my late 20s hit, I took it as the opportune time to be footloose and fancy free, and I have yet to look back. I’ve...
It’s another beautiful Saturday and I can once again be found at Wrigley Field. A bunch of friends and I had bleacher tickets, and man was it a hot one that day. The only way to cool down was to chug beer!
After the game my friends and I did a bar crawl of sorts and ended up at the classy joint Sluggers. Given my stumbling and double...